By Mikaela Weinisch and William Miller

Suicide is the second leading cause of death for youth ages 10 to 24 (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention [CDC], 2022). That number alone calls for urgent attention, but numbers by themselves do not save lives. Youth suicide is rarely the result of clinical symptoms alone. It often grows out of disruptions in how young people see themselves, their relationships, and their future. It is not only a psychological condition but also a social issue that emerges when belonging, support, and identity formation break down in everyday life.

Identity development is part of the normal journey from childhood to adolescence and into adulthood. Every young person struggles with questions of who they are, who they belong to, and what their future might hold. For many, this process moves forward despite bumps along the way. But for others, stressors like family conflict, bullying, isolation, or sudden life changes can throw that process off course, creating conditions where suicide risk grows.

Parents and caregivers play a role no one else can. They are the trusted adults who share everyday life with young people and are often in the best position to notice small shifts that might signal distress. The American Academy of Pediatrics (2023), in its Blueprint for Youth Suicide Prevention, highlights the importance of home as the first line of prevention. Tools such as the Columbia Suicide Severity Rating Scale (C-SSRS) and the Ask Suicide-Screening Questions (ASQ) are widely used in clinical settings, and their principles can be adapted into conversations by teachers, coaches, faith leaders, and community members. But even the most effective tools only work when paired with something deeper: an open and trusting parent–child relationship.

Mikaela, an 11th-grade student, offers reflections on what makes these conversations feel helpful or unhelpful. Her perspective is supported by research on identity, safety planning, and family support. Together, they reveal a simple but important truth: parents are not just participants in suicide prevention. They are leaders.

“There’s nothing quite like the moment a parent says, ‘We need to talk.’”
Mikaela explains, “Suddenly, your stomach drops, your guard goes up, and you brace for either a lecture or a guilt trip. It’s not that young people don’t want to talk to their parents. We do. Sometimes, more than anything, we want someone to just ask if we’re okay. But the way those questions are asked makes all the difference.” This reflects what Gay (2025) describes in narrative identity theory: suicide risk often surfaces when a young person loses coherence in their sense of self across character, setting, and script. Parents, by being present in daily life, are often the first to notice these subtle changes.

“Don’t make it a big production.”
“If you sit us down for the talk, it feels staged. We either shut down or play along, like we are acting in a performance.” Mikaela’s point echoes research showing that the way a conversation begins matters as much as the content. In their review of 15 studies on youth safety planning, Abbott-Smith and colleagues (2023) found that plans worked best when they were co-developed with parents and integrated into everyday routines. When conversations felt ordinary rather than scripted, trust and honesty grew.

“Lead with trust, not fear.”
“You may be worried we are spiraling or hiding something serious. But if you lead with that fear, we feel it. We start editing our answers to protect you.” Many parents approach tough conversations with panic, but that can backfire. Gay (2025) found that one of the clearest signs of suicide risk is when youth begin to pull away from trusted adults. If fear dominates, young people often minimize or hide what they are going through. Calm words that affirm a child’s value help create space for connection instead.

“Talk like a person, not a parent on stage.”
“Say, ‘That sounds really rough. Do you wanna vent or just chill?’” Mikaela emphasizes the power of authentic language. Research supports her insight. In a meta-analysis of 59 studies with over 126,000 adolescents, Heerde and Hemphill (2017) found that supportive family relationships reduced depression, anxiety, and substance use while improving academic outcomes. What mattered most was authenticity. Teens responded best when parents spoke honestly and with emotional attunement, not with rehearsed lines.

“Ask with care, not control.”
“Try, ‘I’ve been wondering how you’ve really been doing. No pressure to answer right now, just leaving the door open.’” When questions are framed as invitations rather than demands, young people feel more able to share openly. Abbott-Smith et al. (2023) concluded that youth engage more fully in safety planning when they have agency and feel respected in the process.

“Don’t expect everything at once.”
“Sometimes we are still figuring it out ourselves. Sometimes we are just tired. Give it time.” Mikaela reminds us that patience is key. Heerde and Hemphill (2017) found that adolescents were more likely to disclose distress when parents demonstrated consistency over time rather than expecting everything in a single conversation. Steady presence mattered more than intensity.

“Stay steady when we share hard things.”
“If you panic or start scrambling for solutions, we might regret saying anything.” Young people often share to test whether they will still be accepted. Calm responses show that their pain is not too much to handle. Gay (2025) highlights that even small reassurances, such as “You’re not alone. We will figure this out,” can help restore a sense of identity and coherence.

“Make this a normal part of life.”
“Ask how we’re doing as casually as you ask what we want for lunch.” When parents weave check-ins into ordinary routines, mental health becomes part of normal family life rather than something hidden. Abbott-Smith et al. (2023) emphasize that safety planning is most effective when it feels like a natural part of everyday living.

“Quiet love matters most.”
“Sometimes what helps the most is the consistent, quiet stuff.” The most powerful protective factor is not grand gestures but steady care. Heerde and Hemphill (2017) found that consistent parental support reduced risky behavior and improved academic success. It was the ongoing presence, not the dramatic interventions, that mattered most.

Why Parents Must Lead
Taken together, these studies point to the same conclusion. Parents notice subtle shifts in identity, provide stability during stressful times, and serve as partners in safety planning. They matter most when they bring consistency, humility, and love. Not to fix, but to listen. Not to control, but to care.

Final Thoughts: What Makes Us Feel Safe
From Mikaela:
• A calm setting, not a spotlight
• A genuine tone, not a staged performance
• Questions that feel like care, not control
• A parent who listens more than they fix
• Space to be unsure, messy, and in progress

When these conditions are in place, even the hardest conversations feel possible. Not because they are easy, but because we know we are not facing them alone.

If you are a parent reading this, thank you. Your presence matters. Just by showing up, you are already making a difference.

                                                                       References
Abbott-Smith, S., Ring, N., Dougall, N., & Davey, J. (2023). Suicide prevention: What does the evidence show for the effectiveness of safety planning for children and young people? Journal of Psychiatric and Mental Health Nursing, 30(5), 899–910. https://doi.org/10.1111/jpm.12928 

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2022). Web-based Injury Statistics Query and Reporting System (WISQARS). https://wisqars.cdc.gov/ 

Gay, M. (2025). Enhancing youth suicide prevention: The critical role of family involvement in screening, intervention, and postvention. Families, Systems, & Health. Advance online publication. https://doi.org/10.1037/fsh0000994 

Heerde, J. A., & Hemphill, S. A. (2017). Examination of associations between informal help-seeking behavior, social support, and adolescent psychosocial outcomes: A meta-analysis. Developmental Review, 45, 34–65. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.dr.2017.10.001 

American Academy of Pediatrics. (2023). Blueprint for Youth Suicide Prevention. https://www.aap.org/en/patient-care/blueprint-for-youth-suicide-prevention/